So I know it’s been far, far too long since my last update and I apologize! However, the good news is I have news. It’s unfortunate that all of it is rather … well … unfortunate. When last we left, Hot Bartender had left the restaurant and the state of our wedding date was in dire straits.
Well …. Let’s just say that things most certainly did NOT turn out how I was expecting them to go. I had a good scenario hypothesis and a bad scenario. I did not have a what-the-hell-did-this-really-happen? scenario. My mistake.
The best way to describe what occurred in the events leading up to the last five days before the wedding are strange. The best way to describe is, it was a banana peel situation.
Imagine you’re put into a room and before they open the door, the people (obviously they are wearing white lab coats and you are the idiot who signed up for this willingly) tell you, “You have one goal, to make it to the other side of the room where there is a trophy. Depending on how well you maneuver the obstacles in the room, we may give it to you. There’s the obvious banana peel two steps in front of you. There may also be lions, bears, crocodiles, and dragons (gotta love Game of Thrones!). It will be dangerous.” Well you really want the trophy so you agree. You open the door and are so concerned trying to scope out the predatory creatures that you step on that damned banana peel and fall. Hard.
This is because you’re an idiot—that was the one thing they assured you WAS ACTUALLY IN THE ROOM. The rest was a possibility, but it was clear from the get go you needed to make sure you didn’t step on the banana peel.
Well guys, I stepped on the banana peel. Or, in other words, I missed the wedding. Yep, I missed it. How is this possible you may ask. Well, I assumed when my friend told me it would be the last weekend in May it would actually be the last weekend—aka the 31st. As it turns out, she meant the last FULL weekend in May—aka Memorial Day weekend, the 24th. Soo … I missed it. I never checked the date on the invitation.
And when I was looking on Facebook and noticed her WEDDING PHOTOS, I found out.
This left only one thing to do. I had to tell Hot Bartender that we missed the wedding.
—After I finished laughing hysterically of course. After all, it was kind of funny …
I had been so wrapped up in all the stuff that could have gone wrong at the wedding, I forgot to double check the date of the wedding. Pretty small fry stuff to mess up on lol
Annnd then things get rocky. I was thinking of how to tell him via Facebook—because of course I did not have his number—and was kind of accepting the fact that we wouldn’t be happening, but I could not have foretold how the conversation would actually go.
Here’s a snippet of our chat for you to see for yourself ….
Me: So you know how there are terrible people in the world? Yeah I think I’m one of them lol … it might be hard to read, but I messed up the date my friend got married … as in … she got married May 24–last Saturday. I don’t know how it happened! lol So thanks for agreeing to go with me … the person who, as it turns out, cannot read
Hot Bartender: So we missed it?? Lol oh lord
Me: Yes lol I feel so TERRIBLE …
Hot Bartender: Well shit that’s no fun!!
[I’m feeling hopeful, maybe this means he is disappointed!!!]
Me: lol yeah no kidding … it’s one of those moments where i feel stupid haha I’ve been having those frequently lately …
Hot Bartender: Lol you’ll be ok it will straighten out
Me: i know–I went and saw Godzilla tonight … it’s good to put things in perspective! lol
Hot Bartender: Lol I heard it sucked since the lizard really isn’t in it much btw I didn’t get to see you in your dress so you gonna have to put it on and send a pic of it since I know you were excited about it! Off topic lol back on movie topic I want to see neighbors
Me: lol it was actually really good–but very loud with many explosions and monster roaring haha … and we should see it on Sunday then! Since we (and by we I mean I haha) blew the wedding … and lol it is a shame because it was a really awesome dress
Hot Bartender: Well put it on and send me a picture so I can see it then goofball lol
[I saw a lot of red flags at this point, but I reluctantly sent him a picture—I knew it was a mistake…]
Hot Bartender: Well that is an awesome dress!
Me: haha thx
Hot Bartender: It really highlights your upper chest features lol
Me: LOL i appreciate that … I always thought the uniform held me back from my … real potential haha
Hot Bartender: idk all i’ve got to go off of is the dress and the uniform …
[So not going to happen, we haven’t even made out! But I still try to salvage it …]
Me: But sometime maybe we’ll have to hang out so you can see me in apparel that is not logans-wear lol
Hot Bartender: Haha well I have seen you in what you wore on your birthday and I def looked at your chest lol
[He remembers my birthday from September and how I looked?!? … but he’s avoiding the whole want to hang out thing …]
Me: haha that does explain the birthday song lol
Hot Bartender: Yea yea lol I mean you might as well just show them to me since they were basically out already that night Hahaha
Me: lol they weren’t! and I don’t do ANYTHING until after a date … lol it’s been so long you’re pretty much a stranger now …
Hot Bartender: Haha very funny I’m not a stranger Goofball Lol
Me: uhuh …
Hot Bartender: You know you wanna show me ur just talkin itself out of it hahaha
[Just … no.]
Me: lol i talk myself out of a lot of things i consider doing … lol this is not one of them
Hot Bartender: Haha fair enough
Hot Bartender: So your talking urself into it got it haha
Me: NO I am not—you are crazy
Hot Bartender: Haha I know I know
Soo ….yeah. I mean … I don’t even know. I knew things would go downhill if I sent him a picture of me in the dress, but honestly I don’t get it! I was more than willing to give him something real instead of a picture, but every time I tried to steer my oar around the gigantic creepiness of his insistence for a picture and combined with his compulsion to keep calling me “goofball” [I mean what was UP with that???], he just persistently went back to square one. And I was very realistic that I would gain nothing from giving him a picture and he wasn’t really interested in seeing me in person. Ever.
Unfortunately this spells the end of the Hot Bartender, even if I do miss him at work still and remember our flirtations fondly.
As a little ending to this post, I thought I would include the wonderful text I received on vacation from my other Bartender friend Mickey. Sent as a text photo straight from DUI class was this little gem.
Apparently the question for her essay was would you ever consider driving home after consuming alcohol okay? Her response?
No. It is never acceptable. I will always go out with friends who will make sure there is a responsible sober driver. And if anything ever happened that left me alone and drunk, I would call my virgin friend Andie. She is always there for me and would come and get me.
And if THAT wasn’t enough, she read it in front of her entire DUI class. Apparently everyone was silent for a second and then the questions started. What? Was she for real? For real, 23 years old?? According to Mickey they discussed my lack of sex life for approximately five minutes before the teacher stepped in to bring it back to sober driving.
Yeah. So …. that’s a thing, too.
Some days you have to laugh so you won’t cry lol