Dead Eyes and Deal Breakers

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Ahoy fellow wordpressers! I’ve once again surfaced from the depths of online dating to share a couple notable stories from my week. In this episode, Tall Paul and his crazy eyes, Coach Taylor and the disappearing act … again, and a very confused German exchange student.

So first things first. After Coach Taylor blew up my phone, I agreed to give it another go and set a date with him for last Thursday. Shortly after this conversation, I never heard from him again. Indeed, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday trudged along with dead silence. Finally on Thursday I sent out a text seeing what was up with the plans for our date. Shockingly enough (considering the huge silence) the text I got back was: “Out of town, sorry I was meaning to text you…”

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Well I can’t say it’s out of character. If you’ll remember, Coach Taylor had disappeared on me once before … quite out of the blue that time as well. It was obvious that the out of town fairies took his phone. That’s what the out of town fairies do. I’ve had a lot of run-ins with them in the past … I was gracious though in my “I kind of figured” text back and there has been no communication since. I think my coworker was actually more upset than I was. The fact is that we didn’t connect and that would probably have been the last time I saw him anyway. If I can survive the bartender wedding date disaster … this was nothing.

Tall Paul was a guy I started talking to this same past week. He was blonde, a computer systems analyst, and liked the outdoors. Plus, he was witty without being overly sexual. Don’t get me wrong, flirting is A-okay in my book. But really I’m tired of being frightened to get photos from guys and also it just transitions way too soon for me! Three messages in and it’s like a brainwave gets jumpstarted: Time for sexting. I’m not judging sexting, but I like to know I LIKE someone before thinking about getting into that.

So Tall Paul was appealing in that he was fun but not lecherous. I love the outdoors too … but I think it’s safe to say his love is a bit more … militant than mine lol …. He was explaining to me about his solo camping trip he would be taking this past weekend on Thursday night. Freeze dried food, no map and just some tarp for a tent. He also used the phrase “Be one with nature.” Showing this message to my roommate to ask her if he sounded a little TOO hippieish, she was very disturbed catching a glimpse of his photo. “No, you need to stop talking to him. He’s got crazy eyes! He looks like a serial killer.”

Okay so this guy was cute and blonde! My type exactly. And I can honestly say he didn’t have crazy eyes. It was more dead eyes … you know the soulless look?

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And yeah it was slightly serial killerish, but I try not to be too harsh with ruling people out and you never know, it could just be the camera angle! I wished him luck on his venture and he told me he would be out of service range all weekend.

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I never have heard back from Tall Paul. The fact of the matter is, it’s very likely Tall Paul decided to move on and lost interest after his commune with nature. That being said, it is also possible that while exploring the great wilderness around him, Tall Paul was eaten by a bear and his body may never be recovered.  Only time and his account activity will tell ….

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Notable mentions from this week include the German exchange student who became extremely confused.  The following conversation occurred on Friday night after my serving shift.

Him: Hey, just wanted to say hi! You look nice. I’m from Germany.

Me: Wow that’s a long way from here! How are you?

Him: Good I must go to sleep though. For long while thought my father was dead. He is in U.S. in hospital with vein troubles and may not live though I have found him finally at last! Waiting for doctors and must see. Am very tired. Good-night. Thanks!

Me: ……

So that was one of the strangest conversations I think I may have ever had …

Second notable mention comes from across the Atlantic as well!

“You’ve a very interesting profile. You look beautiful & kind hearted. Your eyes seems like a magical ocean. There is innocence on your face. Life seems living in your cute smile & expressions. Are these tresses unfurled heavy dusk? You seems like a master piece chiseled out from marble. Am I seeing a dream or do you exist in reality? Overall you’re breath taking. I’m not trying to be judgmental. As we share an amazing compatibility percentage. So that means there may be something between us. Let’s chat and see if it may turn into a good friendship or possibly something more. Please take a look at my profile. Believe me I’m not lying or sugar coating words just talking from the heart. Though, I’m far but I would still love to know you. Your reply would be appreciated. I’ll be glad to hear back from you.”

Number one, it didn’t sound like he was struggling against being judgmental, but that was considerate of him to resist making judgment calls. Number two, marble. As much as I like myself I think I can safely say my body has NOT been carved out of marble lol. Number three, innocence. Sigh.

I think I’m really looking for a short distance relationship, regardless of the ocean comment. My eyes really do look like a magical ocean after all! If a magical ocean is indeed green and brown …

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Lastly we have Friends with Benefits guy. I am guilty of messaging him first because he looked like a (cliché I know) bad boy. And after the Coach Taylor experiment failed, I thought that might be fun to try. Yeah. Basically I knew better lol. Our conversation went as follows:

Me: Hey what’s up?

Him: Nothing much, what are you on here for? 😉

[Winky smiles always send me warning signs….]

Me: I’m just looking to date, meet new people, not jump into anything heavy fast. What about you?

Him: So fwb?

[Friends with Benefits?]

Me: … umm no. probably not.

Him: Lol Then I don’t think I completely understand lol

Me: haha rereading that might have been misleading …. i’ve been trying to meet lots of new people … but not just to have sex with them lol

Him: Ohhhhhhhhh ok lol. Now I get it lol

Me: haha yeah so …. what are you on here for?

Him: Something open …I’m ok with fwb situation. Relationship open relationship. I’m open lol

Me: Haha gotcha gotcha … sometimes that works lol

Him: It does from time to time. But equally fun lol

Me: Yep

You’ve gotta give him props … he was indeed very open. That was just a little TOO much in the other direction for me. Sometimes I feel a little like Goldilocks lol … So far nothing’s been JUST right. Well … one bartender certainly felt that way … and we have talked a little bit since then … but I’ll save that for another day … 🙂

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Until next time!

XOXO

Andie

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9 thoughts on “Dead Eyes and Deal Breakers

  1. Couch Monologues says:

    I’m having a tough time with a Coach Taylor being flaky! You may need to change his name.

  2. Haha when we first started talking, I found out he was a coach and he looked similar to Coach Taylor … that being said, the personality veered drastically from my hopeful nickname lol

  3. Hey are you on okcupid?
    What’s your profile name is?

    • I am on Okcupid and PlentyofFish … but this blog is anonymous to protect the identities of those I blog about so … no real names appear in here! lol But thanks for reading! 🙂

      • illusionenmass says:

        Do you know this person? He’s copying and pasting this:

        “You’ve a very interesting profile. You look beautiful & kind hearted. Your eyes seems like a magical ocean. There is innocence on your face. Life seems living in your cute smile & expressions. Are these tresses unfurled heavy dusk? You seems like a master piece chiseled out from marble. Am I seeing a dream or do you exist in reality? Overall you’re breath taking. I’m not trying to be judgmental. As we share an amazing compatibility percentage. So that means there may be something between us. Let’s chat and see if it may turn into a good friendship or possibly something more. Please take a look at my profile. Believe me I’m not lying or sugar coating words just talking from the heart. Though, I’m far but I would still love to know you. Your reply would be appreciated. I’ll be glad to hear back from you.”

        and sending it to a multitude of women on OKC and other sites and blaming you for it:

        “Update: After a very strange experience when a nice girl being nice & sweet here asked me for Skype but showed her Slutty side there… I was shocked as I was not looking for camSex. I requested her but she continued so, I left that chat & tried to talk normally here (confront) but things did not worked.we both were on different boats.”

        You might want to report this.

  4. Haha I never responded to this dude’s message so I assume he’s invested in a lot of copy and paste … like in the hundreds. Sad that someone fell for it but nope, that person was not me!

  5. So he’s blaming some poor person who responded to him … if that is even true … I wouldn’t worry too much about the dating trolls lol

  6. illusionenmass says:

    Amen! Thanks for answering! Karma will kick his arse. 😉

  7. Haha no worries … I always check in with my readers 🙂 … But no this guy’s a copy paste troll who’s done this to many profiles and clearly off his rocker haha … So I never worry about the trolls … that’s their life! Which is sad …

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